Just as I spent the day discussing lying with R and my sister, I come home and stumble upon this blog post titled Sticks and Stones from "werejustnotthereyet.datingish.com"
You don’t trust him? Is that it then? Is it over?
No.
Here’s something that I’ve just recently realized. Actually, before I even get into this, let me just start by saying that this blog may break some people up. In fact, it might really shake some people's foundations. So, I'm sorry. I guess call this your fair warning.
Warning: If you're a paranoid person, probably don’t read this blog.
All right, let's just dive head first into this one. Is trust a must have for a good relationship?
I don’t think so, and here’s why:
No one is trust worthy, some people are just MORE trust worthy then others. People are imperfect by nature, and they all have cracks in their foundations, and guess what... so do you. The idea of having a person who would never lie to you sounds amazing, but then again so does fat–free ice cream. Neither one of them is real though. Eat enough fat-free ice cream, and I promise you, that you will still get fat. People lie, and people are dishonest for all kinds of reasons. People also cheat, for all kinds of reasons too.
What you need to do, is to find a person who lies for the right reasons. Someone who learns from his or her mistakes.
Do you want a person who just says they “love” you, or a person who truly does “love” you?
Well, can’t lying be done out of love? Let's see shall we?
Scenario One: You’ve been together ten years now and you're still madly in love with each other. This is a relationship that everyone around marvels at. Is it a perfect relationship? No, of course it’s not. Sure you’ve had your ups and downs together, who hasn’t? But you’ve always known that this is the right person for you. Kind, caring, loving and respectful. Everything you both want, and need. The catch? They slept with their ex three weeks into the start of your relationship together, it was ten years ago, and they never told you about it… until now. Does this change anything?
Scenario Two: You were at a work conference, and after a few drinks, you decide to call in a night. On the way up in the elevator, a co-worker who'd also had a little too much to drink leaned in for a kiss and you didn’t pull away. Nothing else happened, but the co-worker is somebody that your partner has always been a bit insecure about. Should you tell them?
Scenario Three: You and your significant other have been together for six years now, things were great for a while, but this last year has been rough for the both of you. You’ve been fighting a lot more, and lately things have been on again, off again. Well, while you were on one of your three month “breaks” you went off and slept with somebody else. Even though you were technically “single” you still felt just awful about the whole thing. You actually threw up in the shower after it was over. It only happened one time, and you didn’t even really like the guy. The only good news, is that from that awful moment you just knew without any doubt in your heart, that the person who you were suppose to be with was your guy. So you two got back together. Things have never been better, and you’ve never been happier with him. Now there’s talk of a ring! Do you tell him? Do you say yes to the ring? Knowing that if he knew about this, he’d never let it go?
When is it ok to lie?
We all lie. Even people who say that it’s a deal breaker. In fact from my experience, those are the people who lie the most. Guess what else? Everyone reading this has things that they will never talk about, and things that they will always lie about. Those of you who disagree are lying to yourselves right now! It’s sometimes the right thing to do. Not everything that happens is meant to be common knowledge. The only time you need to know absolutely everything about a person is when you’re writing a book report about them. Some things really are just better left un-said.
So here are my answers…
Scenario number one answer:
Ten Years! Look, do I think that they should have told you? Sure, if that makes you feel better about it, then they should have told you. But honestly after only three weeks, it was really none of your concern. Who hasn’t had a break up before that's dragged on a day or two longer then you'd planned? The last thing you want in the beginning of a new relationship is judgment. You should never bring your mess to a clean fresh start. Look, they’d already slept with that person before, and adding one more time to that old history (as long as it wasn’t yesterday) really means nothing. But go ahead, you’re more than welcome to spend the rest of your life looking for that perfect person, who's never made any mistakes before, but not me. See, I know better, those people don’t exist. Except in YOUR own bedroom mirror of course, right?
Scenario number two answer:
I beg of you, please keep your fucking mouth shut! These things happen. You don’t believe me? Go and ask you Grandmother. Old ladies are the best, because they’ve reached an age in life where continuing to bullshit people, just seems silly. They’ll tell you that I’m right about this. You have to protect the people that you love. All you will do by telling them, is rip a giant hole into a happy heart. If you're just wanting to do it out of self guilt, well fuck you for needing to make yourself feel better about it! It’s not about YOU. Have one less drink next time and go straight to your room. Don’t pull a Jamie Fox and blame it on the alcohol either. Seriously, quit acting like having two over priced hotel drinks turns you in to a messy Lohan. You were there, and yes it was wrong, and yes, you suck, but don’t go adding herpes to the fire!
What? That sentence doesn’t make any sense? Well neither does you telling him about it! Trust me.
Scenario number three answer:
OK, you know your guy better than I do. If he's the type who would not want to marry you after finding this out, and you know this about him, then you really have to tell him! You can’t take a ring from him based on false information. If you know that he’d see this as an upsetting event, but none the less a completely fair one, based on the Geneva Convention from 2006, which was clearly stated by a man known as Ross Geller,
“We were on a break!”
Then you need to never bring it up, ever. Visuals can be a very dangerous thing to a man’s brain, go watch the movie “High Fidelity” a few times. It covers this perfectly.
So instead of spending every waking moment wondering if they’ll cheat on you, or if they already have, how about you put all that wasted energy into trying to be a better woman for him. Besides you’ll never know for sure if it happened or not, unless of course you happen to see it for yourself, but even then, he can still pull a Shaggy and say “It wasn’t me.” Stop worrying about what could be. Worry instead, about what is. You need to be someone who's in the relationship, not someone spending all day long just waiting around for it to explode. The goal is to be awesome. If you truly love him, then he deserves that from you. (of course he should do the same)
Besides, who do you think is easier for a guy to cheat on, an awesome girl or a insecure, paranoid one?
Absolutely livid. 
